That is already a great start. Understanding that you as the parent are the thermostat, not the thermometer, when it comes to emotional regulation is very important. Additionally, trusting in the therapeutic process and being willing to listen to the counselor is imperative. Understanding what behaviors are developmentally appropriate and how to deal with them is also important to help ease some of those worries about the behaviors that have you saying-
Is this normal or is there something wrong with my child?
There are many undesirable behaviors that a child exhibits throughout development that may not be favored, however many of them are a part of their growth and development as a human being. When a problematic behavior increases, grows in intensity, or exists longer than developmentally appropriate, then there needs to be further assessment. Some examples of these undesirable behaviors are: lying, whining, emotional outbursts, defiance, mood swings, limit testing, and risk taking. Not every undesirable behavior is abnormal or a cause for concern, but you can speak with your child’s counselor to learn how to manage those undesirable behaviors.
Okay, so speaking with my child’s counselor individually to learn about parent support and psychoeducation is also important for me to better support and understand my child. But what if my child has a behavioral problem before a session and I want my child to talk about it with their counselor, can I make them?
If a child does not want to talk about a mistake or situation that happened, the therapist is not going to force the child to. Just to reiterate, the therapist’s job is not to be a disciplinarian. A therapist may vaguely bring up a situation that occurred prior to session if deemed appropriate to address, otherwise, the child gets to share what they feel comfortable sharing with the therapist. Therapists usually will only require further conversations with a child if it involves the client’s safety or risk of harm. Remember, the therapist is there to gain the client’s trust and better understand their world and why they might be engaging in these behaviors. If you want to gain support on how to manage those undesirable behaviors or challenges, request to meet with your child’s therapist outside of the 1on1s that your child has with the therapist.
In conclusion, therapy is designed to help the child learn how to manage their emotions, better understand themselves, improve communication, and develop healthy coping skills. The therapy space is not for fixing, scolding, or parenting the child. Parenting is not easy, which is why parents having their own support source as they work on helping their child is so important. Bringing your child to counseling is a great opportunity to work on improving your child’s relationship with themselves, and learning how to be the best parent you can be for your child as they navigate this life journey.
